My intense seclusion experience
A raw account of a 10-day Vipassana retreat that broke through stagnation, triggered emotional release, and inspired a shift toward deeper connection and movement.
September-2024, life was going perfect on paper. At the time, I was doing well in career, had a great job, working full-time from home, living with parents, farm around us, life theoretically seemed great, better than ever. But within me, I felt this sense of incompleteness, maybe even stagnation because this was the first time I wasn't doing something new every quarter, this was the time I was 7 months into a new job. Around this time, I had heard from a podcaster how Vipassana was a great and helpful experience for him.
I explored therapy too, but my first 2 consecutive bookings got cancelled for some reason. And when I heard about this Vipassana experience, it seemed like something worth trying. 10 days no phone, no internet, no talking, no reading. Just me and my thoughts and bunch of other people doing the same. You couldn't talk to anyone or even look eye-to-eye with anyone. Meals were good but for a giant like me who was used to 4 meals a day, coming down to one full meal a day was something of an experience. So it was like, you get first light breakfast at 6am, then lunch at 11 am then very light meal at 5pm and then move to next day. Anyways, all of this was bearable and even more than I expected. It was so generous of them.
Now coming to the main thing, the intensity. First 4 days felt very normal. Felt like just another day but without devices. There wasn't anything going on in the head yet. The teachers there had warned us on the first day that most people who leave, leave on day 6. But the guy in room next to me left on Day 2, and this may sound bad but it motivated me to complete the whole thing more than anything. Because I had gotten a chance to speak to this guy before program started and I didn't want to be like him. And to not be like him, I could NEVER follow his path. Had no option but to complete the whole thing now.
Everything right from my early childhood till yesterday had come in my head by Day 6. Remembered every person I met, how I was as a friend, as a brother, as a son and as a person. Day 6 was actually the hardest of all. I'm not someone who cries easily. Day 6 made me. After that day, I was just waiting for it all to finish and go hug my parents. I was also now thinking about what to do next and how to get over the stagnation I was feeling. The answer was to get surrounded with more people and socialize more. The perfect life on paper was also limiting because I didn't have peers around me. I decided during this time to move out and go to the city again. Maybe new cities every month because I had the luxury of working from anywhere.
On the last day, I did what I said I would. I specifically asked my parents to come pick me up when I got access to the phone on the last day. A heart full of emotion, empathy, gratitude towards them and it was freeing. Something everyone should experience :)
After the program, I could see physical changes in me. My smile had changed. Eyes were involved while smiling which wasn’t the case before. Had a clearer picture of what to do. Of course, I didn’t get all my questions solved, but I got the biggest one answered. I'll keep that one close — but if you've ever felt that quiet incompleteness despite everything looking fine on paper, you probably already know what kind of question it was. Maybe in a few years, I will do this again and solve the next biggest problem :)